I went roaming through my computer's, our computer's, browsing history yesterday and saw facebook messages from a particular girl that I do not speak with. I knew it was him messaging with her, and when I decided to snoop and see what it was all about, they weren't there.
I know he tries to "protect me" but at the same time he knows dishonesty hurts me more. After about 4 hours of mulling over whether I wanted to discuss it all I finally decided to mention it. He looks at me pissed off as if I have violated his privacy, and states that it was nothing and that he just wanted to say hi, she is going through a divorce apparently and he wanted to let her know it would be ok. A little while goes by and I decide I need to get out of the house for a while. That is when he told me that it was absolutely nothing, just that he hadn't been happy for a while, and he wanted to know what going through a divorce was like.
I wanted to gag. This girl has been out of the picture for some four odd years, but every time I saw her I could just tell that she wanted to jump his bones. Him consoling her and her informing him what a divorce was like. I decided to leave, except I stepped in dog shit as I was trying to leave and needed to change my shoes. Then I got pissed that he would rather talk to this girl about a freakin' divorce rather than talk to me. So I told him how idiotic that was, we married each other because we loved talking with each other about anything and everything. So much of that gets lost now between 3 kids and 2 careers, that I haven't been happy either, but I don't think about getting a divorce.
He starts crying, apologizes, states it is stress at work, and the kids. Everything seems to be fine after about an hour of talking, and here we go back into the routine. I know everything won't be okay, but I don't know how to make everything ok, because he doesn't seem to want to really discuss anything. Beating him over the head with questions won't help either. So I guess it is back to I love you's, dreaming of things to do, and waiting to ever see what he wants to do.